A Bra Ball...What's Next??? .............. << previous // next >>

Friday August 3rd, 2001. - 11:05 PM

As if someone had actually read my online diary entry regarding my psychological barrier when it comes to beauty, I received a comment on my physical appearance. A few days ago at work, a patron commented that I was a pretty girl. I've noticed that quite a few people have made the same flat-out remark and still, after all that experience, I am flabbergasted and don't know what to do or say. I feel awkward receiving these comments (unless it's from my parents or a relative). I mean, how DOES one react to something like that? If you beam your kilowatt smile, nod and nonchalantly say, "Yes, I know it!", you'll appear arrogant and above all, just a person with an ego waiting for someone to come along and pop. (((*POP*))) If you shake your head and say no, you'll come off as having a low self-esteem issue (which most people, I've noticed, consider excruciatingly annoying). In such a case, the other person will undoubtedly try (to great lengths) to convince you otherwise, but to no avail. If you remain silent, they would question your hearing and wonder if all the loud "crazy" music that those youngsters listen to nowadays could have possibly affected your eardrum. What did I do in the situation? I just smiled and laughed....and blushed uncontrollably. That's my signature for when I don't know how to react, but know that I am pleased.

There is a lot to be said about a laugh. A laugh can signify underlying tones of uncertainty, unwavering jeering, disbelief and (obviously) humour. In my case, it was all of the above except for the humour part. I just think that it's absurd to think that somone finds me to be physically attractive; I'm working on this problem though, but somehow the mirror doesn't seem to want to co-operate most of the time *smirk* Just kidding! On a serious note: I've often wondered how beautiful people think and if they think or know indeed that yes, they are beautiful and are the inheritants of amazing genetics. I can't say that I'm beautiful (unless you describe me as a creation in God's image, of course). I won't go disrespecting God (no, never!), but I must say that he sure had a great sense of humour when he created me! *smirk* Awww well....so I'm not the next Carmen Electra or the next Mila Jovovich...or the next Jessica Alba....or the next Angelina Jolie....or the next (aww heck...you get the picture already). I'm Mary Shaw. I'm not everything I want to be and I'm some things that I don't want to be. I am your contradiction, your mystery and your everyday miracle (all existence of life is a miracle). I'm simple yet complicatingly easy. I'm a 19-year-old girl who will soon become a fully fledged 20-year-old-supposedly-mature adult (in February). Note to the world: WATCH OUT!!! This one bites hard sometimes! No rabies though....thankfully. *smirk* haha....I'm being silly again.

Anyway...I've come to the conclusion that no one is satisfied with themselves and I guess that's just right, because in that respect, we are always striving to be better, but of course, have to accept the frustrations pounding us in the stomach from time to time. We become more resilient towards future frustrations and therefore are less susceptible to comments, actions or ploys to drag us down. I'd like to think that I've became more resilient towards negativity and put-downs, but I must say that I'm still a nubile baby in training to become something greater. I don't know all there is to know and I hope that I never do. I enjoy mysteries and without some uncertainty and suspicion, I'd become bored. ZZZZZzzzzzZZZ...bored stiff. So, come forth and challenge me to a duel. I'll practice my fencing skills on you (although right now, they are non-existent, I can learn). I thrive on experience and even if they result in embarrassment on my behalf, I embrace them (maybe I'm odd?).

Yesterday when I was watching the Boob Tube (also known to the younger folk as good ole television), I came across the funniest, stupidest thing ever! (Okay...I just read that line over again....the way I write, I could fool someone into thinking that I'm older than I am...I better be careful...I don't want to give you any false pretenses. I think that I'll talk like the younger person that I am. See Spot. See Spot run. Run Spot, run. Haha...on second thoughts, maybe not. *Mary sticks out her tongue*) Okay....so....back to what I was talking about before I was rudely interrupted (by myself...hehe). I was watching one of my favourite shows ever (Ripley's Believe It Or Not). Apparently there's this insane (in my opinion), but hilarious chap who has taken the classic rubberband ball to the next level. Okay, just incase some people don't know what rubberband balls are, I'll tell you (not that it's devistatingly imperative that you should know). You basically get a rubber ball and wrap many many many elastics around it until it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. The purpose? Apparently I'm still trying to figure this one out. *grin* Okay, so this guy didn't create a rubberband ball. He created a BRA BALL! Haha....when I saw this, I was like, "WHAT? What the heck?". This guy spends his time 'collecting' bras and adding them to this so-called lifelong collection. This ball has several thousand bras, each carefully tied together and wrapped around the gigantic ball (which has a height that stands higher than the average woman). I also got another barrel of chuckles when they announced that women had SENT their bras to him in order to help him "create his bra ball". O---kay. Is it just me, or does he have a lot of time on his hands? Haha...I mean, is this really NORMAL to want to have a bra ball collection? Maybe not, but then again, different strokes for different folks, right? Ohh...the things that some people do to get attention!!!! If you ask me for my honest opinion, I think that this guy just has some damn weird kinky fetish or something. I've heard of people breaking into houses just to steal bras and panties...maybe this guy is just a twist off of that. Who knows? Geez....if you want to make it into the Guiness Book of Records, do you REALLY want your name to appear beside a picture of a bra ball? I don't know, but quite frankly, some people sure are beyond my tolerance of freakiness!!!! WHOA!!!!! I can't help wondering what his friends, siblings and even parents think about his "amazing" collection....haha....I'm also wondering whether or not those bras were cleaned before he used them or not.....ewwwwwie....haha....okay.....enough of this guy and his bra ball. Seems like some guys might actually have a feminine side afterall!!!! *Mary snickers*

I absolutely cannot wait for the week of the 13th...I'm so anxious because my boyfriend will be done all of his university exams and we'll be able to enjoy roughly 3 whole uninterrupted weeks together. *Smile* I miss his warm fuzzy hugs and his scrumptuous kisses. I think that he misses them as much as I do. Hopefully when he comes, we won't become like bloodsuckers. Haha....*grin*

I also cannot wait for Sunday August 5th. Maggie, Nicole and I will be going shopping, watching a movie and then going back to Nicole's place for a barbeque (perhaps)...Nicole moved, so it will be the first time that we'll get to see her new house...and I keep joking around with her, telling her that when we see it, we're going to trash it...hahahahaha..... Of course we wouldn't, but I like bugging her about it. Hahaha... Anyway....we aren't sure which movie we're going to see. Nicole wants to see Jurassic Park 3 (which I'm not so keen on seeing because I saw the first one, and I think that this one will be very similiar). Maggie wants to see Final Fantasy. I don't mind seeing Final Fantasy, but I would rather watch Original Sin. I really like Angelina Jolie. She's a really talented actress and wow is she ever gorgeous too! From what I've read about her in articles in magazines, she seems like a really nice person...very sensual...and wild....and not afraid to show it. Also, she's not another blond in the media. I don't have anything against blondes, but I mean, c'mon...there was a moment in the entertainment industry when there was a "Gold Rush"...or "Blond Rush"....Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Faith Hill, Tara Reid, Kirsten Dunst.... Angelina Jolie has dark hair and it's like, "Wow...not blond??? Cool." So...don't go thinking that I'm shunning blond hair (it's actually very attractive), but I'm just impressed that with such different looks than the same old, SAME OLD, it's cool that she's making an appearance.

You know what? I've been surfing around and looking at sites created by teenagers (like me). A lot of them just take my breath away. They are incredible! They all look so professional and then when I check out the information on who they are and their little autobiography blurb, I find out that they're only 14 or 16 or whatever. I'm like, "WHAT???!!!" This is incredible! These people really have talent and they should really market their hobby (which could lead to a possible career). After I see sites like that, I look at my own and just absolutely barf. I look at my site and ask myself, "What is THIS? Ugh!"....I just don't know how some people make their sites so fancy-pansy and so perfectly delicate. Anyway...it's funny, but I have marketed my webdesign "skills" (yes, skills in quotations). I have created a website for a childcare nursery school and this has been going on with the same client since around December of 2000. I get paid for my work and it's nice to get this extra pocket money on top of my regular part-time job.

Oh yes...I don't think that I've ever mentioned before, but I've sold my piano. I used to play the piano when I was younger. I went to a piano lesson school and enrolled in competitions and even the Royal Conservatory of Music. I won several awards (many ribbons and one trophy) for my performances, but over the years, I've found that I no longer have time (or want to make time) for playing the piano. It frustrates me like you wouldn't even believe. The piano (for me) is a very complicated instrument. You have to practice with the left hand and then with the right hand separately before you put them together and are able to play the complete song with both hands. It takes time and patience (two things which I don't seem to have in abundance at this point in my life) I also know how to play the clarinet and I enjoy that instrument much more. It's portable and I can easily play music once I see it (sight reading). The fingerings of the notes on the clarinet are easy for me and I like the sound it makes and all the octaves which are available. When I sold my piano for $1500 (Canadian dollars), I was initially thinking about purchasing a new Yamaha clarinet, but now I'm not so sure. (Oh...by the way, I bought my piano for $3000, but I figured that I should give them a deal since it's used) I'm thinking that maybe I should hold off on the clarinet and save up the money for my university career. I don't want money to be tight halfway during my schooling. Then again, at my part-time job, I'm making $15.43 per hour, so it might not be too bad. I'm caught beside myself. On one hand I hear a little voice saying, "Go! Buy the clarinet! You'll have fun playing it!"...but on the other hand, I hear another voice contradicting it and saying, "Don't! If you buy the clarinet, you might not have enough money to get through university debt free!"....haha...and no, those voices aren't accompanied by a halo or a pitch fork. *smirk* When I'm indecisive like this, I'll usually leave the decision aside (if it can wait and isn't of utmost urgency) and think about it. I'll give it time and see what pros and cons I can naturally come up with. Anyway....the piano is still in my house...The piano movers haven't come to take it away yet. We sold it to my webdesign client (the one who owns the childcare nursery school). They're going to use it in the nursery school for the music classes. At least I know that it will be put to good use. That's comforting to know. Even though now (and even back in the tenth grade) I stopped playing the piano, the house will kinda feel empty without it. You know how you get so used to seeing things and then when they're gone, you realize that something important is missing (like a piece of you)? Well...I think that's how I'm going to feel for a while, but eventually I'll get over it (after many many many years of therapy and counselling....haha....kidding....I'm being silly again)

Today I started reading this 1998 Danielle Steel book. I've never read any of her books until today. I know that she's a really popular author, but it never dawned on me to actually read some of her work and see how she writes. So, when I was at work, I checked out her book entitled " The Story of Nick Traina: His Bright Light". It's about Danielle Steel's son who committed suicide due to manic depression. It's about her memories she had as a young mother. It's painfully true and she shares her intimate feelings with the reader, as well as all of her regrets and mistakes. I'm only on the second chapter, but I'm already hooked to it. It's a wonderfully written book (not too complicated...not too simplistic...just right). I must admit that the initial instinct why I checked the book out was because of the picture on the cover of her son (he's really cute!!!!!!). Then, I read a little blurb on the jacket cover and it sounded really interesting. Now that I read it, it is so fascinating. It's been a long time since I've read a book that was really well written and held such an emotional impact. I love reading tragic emotional stories that make me cry just from the text. That's really something. What a gift the writers have if they can make you cry. Another book worthy of mentioning is "Flowers For Algernon" by Daniel Keyes. That's my all-time favourite book and I love it to death. I'm hoping that that this Danielle Steel book will be just as fascinating (if not more, considering that it's a true story). I'm going to read a few more chapters of it before I go to sleep tonight.....(Speaking about tonight...it sure is hot and humid....so sticky outside...)

Okay....well.....I better get going now. I've written enough and believe me when I say that I'll write again later and there is plenty more where this came from. Keep your eyes peeled! *Smile* So...take care and always remember to SPREAD THE SUNSHINE by spreading the love!!!!!!!!! *xoxox*

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ME: RIGHT NOW

---> Trivial little tidbits which you didn't need to know, but I'm telling you anyway *smirk*

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EYES: Au natural (I washed my face and am getting ready to go to bed soon)

NAILS: Natural (I keep wanting to put on some nailpolish and then I put it off and procrastinate..*sigh*)

LIPS: Chapstick

HAIR: In a high ponytail (It's hot and humid today)

THINKING ABOUT: The fun weeks to come!!!!

WISHING: Those weeks would come sooner!!!!

SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: " Sick Cycle Carousel " - sung by Lifehouse

SONG I'M LISTENING TO NOW: " Before I Fall In Love " - sung by Coco Lee

NOTE TO SELF - this is a section where I write about something that happened to me, whether funny, insightful or not (everyone else ignore this): "Mary...you're such a klutz!" Haha...

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