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The World's Angels in Disguise .............. << previous // next >>
It's been like forever since I last wrote in this thing. Why? Okay, you should know me by now and the usual excuses I give. This time was different! Honest! So stop rolling your eyes at me already! *Hehe* About 11 days ago, I just finished writing my very last university exam. It was a 3 hour exam - all essay and short answer questions. Anyway, I think that exam went okay, and my other ones I believe I did really well on. I'll not jinx it by going on about how great I did though. *Smirk* I don't want to look stupid if I find out that I did horribly (but...*sigh*...hopefully that won't be the case!!!!) Two nights ago, I was watching this television program on the Life Network, called "Skin Deep." It's fast becoming one of my favourite shows (although nothing tops Gilmore Girls.) Basically Skin Deep is a show that follows plastic surgery patients through the entire ordeal. They focus on how the patients feel about the operation, prior to it, and also why they want to undergo such a thing. They also show the results, which never cease to fascinate me. It's not because they look much better after the surgery. In fact, I'm so fascinated by the end result because to me, most of them aren't even that drastic a change, and yet the patients seem to feel so much more confident about themselves and the way they look. It's also interesting to note that most of the people they choose for the shows (the episodes that I've seen) always seem to be quite attractive from the start. Regardless of their physical beauty, they always seem to think that they are " not as good as they could be." As they say this, there I am sitting on my sofa thinking, " What are you talking about? You are beautiful!!!!" If you have read my diary enough (and haven't fallen asleep), you'll know that every so often, I stop and think about beauty and its psychological effects. I also question my own appearance. I guess the reason why I sometimes watch Skin Deep is because the program keeps making me question what exactly beauty is. Beauty can be defined in numerous ways by different people. Even different cultures view beauty different. What is beautiful to a specific culture may be totally abnormal to another. I think that sometimes people strive way too hard to achieve that level of perfection. No one can be perfect. No one is. No one will ever be. The issue of perfection isn't even that important, because when you really get down to it, it's the imperfections that make people really unique. You know what I'm talking about. Just off the top of my head, think about that girl you saw last week...the one with the crooked teeth, but had the sweetest smile you'd ever seen. That takes confidence to accept what you have and be proud of it. Think about the person with the oversized nose, but has never been happier with himself. It seems almost too easy for unhappy people to try to seek happiness through a surgeon's scapel. I think that true beauty and true courage come from within, and if you learn to accept your physical imperfections, you'll become a better person. This is definitely easier said than done, but then so are those self-help books on psychological well-being, but they tend to work when you push yourself to try it. Nothing is as easy as 1-2-3. You have to work hard to train your psyche to accept yourself for who and what you are. I have yet to master this, however, I have not given up (and I hope I never will.) Instead of dreaming about how the surgeon will make you the next Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman, or heck, Britney Spears, maybe you should try to be more of yourself. You have something that nobody else has. Your looks are unique, even if you're a twin. No one is an exact replicate. I mean, why would you even want to be? People are always saying how they want to be different and unique, but then they try to mould themselves into what they think others want them to be like. Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose? I guess we're all victims of this flaw. We're humans, afterall. Y'know...I know a lot of people who dislike freckles, but honestly, I think they're cute! I like them a lot. It almost seems like all of the freckled friends try to conceal their beauty marks with cosmetics. Why? Freckles are so unique, and in my opinion, they make you look playful and fun. I'm actually attracted to freckles...and dimples (but that's another story...*Grin*) When I went to church on Sunday, I witnessed some of the most beautiful people I'd ever seen. Two special education and music instructors led a small group of mentally disabled people in song. One of the songs they sang was: On Eagles Wings. I love that song. They sang totally off-key, except for the instructors (who weren't disabled), but somehow, to me, that wasn't the point. The point was that those people had the determination to get up there infront of all those people and sing. Lots of people who aren't disabled wouldn't even have the guts to do it...I'm not sure that even I would! I hate using the term mentally disabled, but other descriptions escape me at the moment. Anyway, these people were roughly middle-aged or so, and it was such a beautiful sight to see that although they had their own personal setbacks, they could do that. I do think that the disabled can teach us a lot. They have so much charisma, strength....determination. It takes them a lot of effort to do the simplistic things that we so often take for granted. They have trouble buttoning up their shirt each day, or brushing their teeth, or talking, but they manage to get through the days, the months, the years. It's incredibly impressive, and I admire all of those people. It really puts me to shame, and several others to shame. Here I am, born without any disability, and I get lazy far too often. Perhaps society's disability is not being able to sometimes realize their potential. Handicapped people never cease to motivate me to try harder. I thank them for that. They are the world's angels in disguise. A few days ago when I was cleaning out my closet, I came across an old journal that I used to write in when I was in grade 4. Actually, my grade 4 journal consisted of 13 (count 'em) journals stapled to one another. They were the elementary school books. My teacher had made us write in our journals as often as possible. Boy, did I ever write a lot! *Smile* I would write 19 pages for a single entry. Reading the old entries made me laugh at myself. I was so competitive, bossy, honest, blatant, cute, and HYPER!!!! I swear that I would write EVERY LITTLE DETAIL down, even insignificant things like sharpening my pencil! Good grief!!!! Hehe...I still do that now sometimes...*blush*... Oh yeah, and I always had a joke of the day everytime I wrote. I was a super duper happy girl. I still pretty much am the same, although I won't admit that I'm as hyper as I used to be (some would object to that...*smirk*) Anyway, back then, I wrote the darnest things in my journal. In one entry, I wrote childish things like: " Today I have a coarse voice because my brother farted right in front of my face while I was eating an orange." Hahaha...undoubtedly the reason why my voice was coarse was because I yelled at my brother after he did that. Hahahaha...Here's another excerpt (exact quotation) from my grade 4 journal: " Liz put glue on her face and showed Paula, Judginee and Fiona and Krystal when she went to show Jennifer and then Jennifer told the teacher and said aloud 'Liz has white chicken pox!' Then Judginee told the teacher that she just put glue on her face! Lots of people were laughing!" Hahaha...when I read that from my journal, I couldn't stop laughing because I remember that incident so clearly. It's really interesting because at the time, it wasn't nearly as hilarious as it is now. The thing about me when I was little was that like I said before, I was extremely happy (EXTREMELY!!!!!!!) I hardly ever saw the negative side of things. I was so positive and I had a 'goodie-goodie-gum-drops' kind of personality. I had lots of friends (the entire class, minus 1 or 2 students were my close friends), and the funny thing is that I always assigned myself the role of the leader. I loved telling people how things were done, and strangely enough, no matter how bossy I was, people always listened to me and treated me with great respect. Gilmore Girls is going to be on television at 9 PM tonight! I love that show. I'm not sure if I've said it before in a previous entry, but the reason why I love that show so much is because the scripts are phenomenal. They really are! The dialogues are fast, witty, cheeky, and soooo funny. They're intelligent, and I admire that writing style. I wish that I could write something equally as intriguing. Oh well, I can dream, can't I? Dreams can come true, afterall. My first summer school class starts on May 6th. I'm really excited about it....I'm so excited that it's almost ridiculous. The course is a second year Social Psychology course. I will be going into my second year at university in the fall. I just thought that I should get ahead a little. It takes a loooooong time to become a psychologist, so I'm probably always going to take summer course to expediate the process. It will be worth it in the end. At least I won't be graduating from university when I'm a prune...haha....(no insults were intended). As for the specific field in psychology that I want to get into, I'm thinking more along the lines of becoming a social psychologist. We'll see how this summer course goes, and I'll plan my point of departure from there. Y'know? I want to go shopping sometime soon. I want to get some more Rainbow Brite shirts and some more funky t-shirts. Most of my summer clothes are *ahem* 'ill-fitting.' The reason? Every single summer when I decided to buy new summer clothes, my mom would ALWAYS convince me that I 'didn't need them.' Of course, I listened to her, but after realizing that my shorts are becoming indecently short and my shirts are becoming too tight, I think I'm going to have to follow through with my own ideas. *Smile* Listen to your parents, but follow reason as well !!!!! Anyway, I desperately want to get a skirt or something nice like that. I only have one real skirt that I wear, but I don't wear it often because I don't have a top that really matches it. The other skirts that are found in my closet are hardly wear-able. One is this insane neon green. It's funky, and I guess I WOULD wear it, if I had the guts to, and if I had a top that matched it. It's kinda like a 'Catholic schoolgirl skirt', but it's not one. Oh yeah...I completely forgot that I had this other beautiful skirt. It's got pink, dark pink, and shades of pinkish reds. It's divine! It goes just below the knee nd looks awesome with the black sandals I have. I've gotta wear that more this summer. This summer, I'm going to teach myself how to use the sewing machine. The last time I touched the contraption was in grade 8. That's about to change. Hopefully with a lot of practice, patience, and a minimum of sweat and tears, I'll be able to manipulate the machine and create some unique fashion for myself. I found this awesome twin top bedsheet in my closet. It's got Strawberry Shortcake on it, plus all of her friends! It's in mint condition because I don't think it was ever used. The colours are so bright and vibrant. I really want to make a bag out of this. I'll just sew the bedsheet material onto a heavier duty one, and then I can sew a little purse for myself. I guess what inspired me to do this was because recently, while I was on Ebay.ca, I bought this Rainbow Brite bag. It's the most adorable thing, and I blew around $40 Canadian on it. Still, I think it was worth it because it's so unique. The fabric of the bag is composed of two different types - one is black velveteen cotton and the other is this rainbow-y swirl pattern. Red Butler's sprite friend, Romeo, is machine-appliqued onto the bag's front and back. The back has the behind view of the sprite. If you want to see pictures of it, just go to my other site: *~* The Mystic Realm *~* (see the link under my Diary Menu, or click on the image at the end of my entry.) You'll find it on the Rainbow Brite webpage (Page 2) Anyway, I'm becoming increasingly interested in 1980's cartoons, and I've seen how much some stores are selling plain cotton shirts with Care Bears (etc.) on them. They're making HUGE profits. I'm going to try to make my own unique shirts. I'll just buy a 100% cotton t-shirt, and I'll use the special clothing transfer paper to print out the images and iron them on my shirts. I think it should work well, and it is relatively inexpensive. I'm really getting into the artsy-creative groove for whatever reason. I've recently re-discovered a book I cherished as a gradeschooler. I recommend this book highly for anyone who loves to make macrame bracelets. It's called "Friendship Bracelets" and it's by Camilla Gryski. It isn't too expensive, and the bracelets you can learn to make are beautiful. I've made every single one of the bracelets in that book, and I've even created some of my own designs. I used to make them everyday when I was in gradeschool, and then I slowed down and eventually stopped in highschool. Now that I re-discovered the book, I've started making them again. Recently, I made an arrowhead bracelet in Rainbow Brite's colours. The colour order was: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple. It turned out amazing. The intention was to make it look like a rainbow, and it sure does! These bracelets are so fun to make and addictive (I must add!) Okay, this entry was more incessant rambling than the usual! I can't think of anything else to write that would be of interest (or of importance), so I'll end it here. It's time to get off the computer. I'm spending way too much time on here than I'd like. Until the next time I write (which will hopefully be this month), take care and always remember to spread the sunshine! Bye for now! *MUAH* ~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-. TRIVIAL TIDBITS ABOUT ME: RIGHT NOW ~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-. EYES: Black eyeliner and black mascara NAILS: Au naturel LIPS: Conditioned with "Shaklee Lip Protection SPF 15 Stick" HAIR: Braided into two long ponytails. THINKING ABOUT: Making a collage for my new offline diary. The old one is quickly filling up and it won't be long before it's finished. WISHING: People didn't wish upon a star, and instead pray to God. CONSUMING: Fruitopia (Fruit Integration flavour) READING: "Go Ask Alice" by Anonymous (It's a diary about a 15-year-old drug addict. This is my 5th or so time reading this book since I discovered it in grade 9. It really outlines the trials and tribulations of drug addicts, and how they are discriminated against, even though they may sincerely be trying to overcome their addiction. It broadens your mind, and disperses your prejudices. I highly recommend this book.) SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: "Escape" by Enrique Iglesias. There's one thing for sure: You can't escape Enrique's song. They play it everywhere, all the time. Enrique sums it up pretty well, "You can run. You can hide, but you can't escape my love." SONG I'M LISTENING TO NOW: "Wild Child" by Enya. Enya has the most beautiful music I've ever heard. I love her work. It's like music of an angel. 
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Wednesday May 1st, 2002. - 5:00 PM