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The Kewinkidink of Kewinkidinks .............. << previous // next >>
Once again, I have neglected you, dear diary. No, I wasn't out carousing with gorgeous men or obsessing over my beauty (which cracked the mirror). I was busy with school (yet again). I only wish that I had a better excuse for you, but no, it's as simple and clear-cut as that. Perhaps I could've told you about the scandalous affair that a certain rock star and I had which occupied my time, however, being the honest and ever-faithful diaryist, I cannot lie and I won't. The whole purpose of you, diary, was to record my life's trail of ups, downs and inbetweens. I use you as a vent, a hide-away, a passive psychologist and a means to explode and uncover my mind's insanity. *Smirk* I just wanted to say "Thanks". You've saved what sanity I had left. Hehe...can you believe what I just did? I was 'talking' to my diary like it was a real live person. There's something not mentally right about that, isn't there? Isn't there???? Haha...oh well...If you DARE to continue reading the diary of a disturbed young girl, be my guest. If not, you know where the door is. Just kidding...I'm not really THAT disturbed...I can actually be quite normal when I put my mind to it. *Mary flashes a cheesy grin* I had a little issue to address regarding Britney Spears. Just incase you didn't already know, I am in no way a fan of hers. I like 2 of her songs ('Born To Make You Happy' and 'Stronger'), but that's it. I like them because they mark emotional peaks in my life (don't ask). Anyway...she has this new song (well...as of September 24th, I think) and it's called 'I'm A Slave 4 U'. In her music video, she basically looks like a cheap tramp who has just one kinky thing on her mind. In short, she acts like a promiscuous sex slave which I can refer to under a different title, but won't because of the audience of my diary. Okay, yes...so she's a teenager and her hormones are on over-drive...does that mean that she has the right to create such crappy-causing-eye-sores-of-a-music-video??? I first saw it on Much Music and I was just thinking, "What the heck is she trying to pull off? Is she trying to land herself a prominent spot in Playboy Magazine or something? Perhaps she wants to appeal to all the perverted horny old men out there." I have no idea. All I know is that she totally shocked me, but then again, this IS Britney, isn't it? She's the I'm-a-good-girl-but-can-be-naughty-and-I-don't-care-if-I-wear-skimpy-clothing star who says she has morals, but then goes and does things like this. What's up with that? Is it just me or is she falling all over her words? Anyway...it's actually kinda sad to see people stoop so low just to guarantee themselves sales and such. What would YOU do to get ahead? Ask yourself that question and for some of you, you might actually be shocked with the answer you come up with. I honestly hope that this isn't the case, but I know that there are always exceptions to the rule. It's too bad. Guess what? I missed the Roswell Season Premiere show!!!!! I thought that it was going to be on Tuesday (last week I think it was), but when I turned on the television on Monday, guess what was on? Nope, not Polka Dot Door like you were all thinking. I've actually outgrown Marigold, Humpty, Dumpty, Polkaroo and all those adults who 'thought' that they could converse with stuffed animals (it's scary now that I think about it). Roswell was on and I had missed the first 30 minutes of the show. I watched the end of it, but it didn't totally make sense because all the important information was in the first half (just my luck). Anyway...you know what? I think that I'm SO over Jason Behr (the guy who plays 'Max Evans' on Roswell). I think the problem is that he doesn't smile enough...and me, being all happy-go-lucky, hyper and smiley-faced most of the time, I finally realized that it was a turn off. I've thought about what I look for in a guy and that has to definitely be humour. I cannot (CANNOT!!!!) stand guys or anyone without a sense of humour (perferrably as twisted as my own...hehe). Humour is important in so many ways and without it, things become awkward, serious, rigid and BLAHHH. I hope that the screenwriters of Roswell and its director(s) make Jason smile some more. I mean, it's not like his teeth are all yellowish and moldy or something.....are they? I think that everyone looks way more attractive when they smile. It's like an instant makeover minus the crappy and unnecessary liposuction, breast augumentation, nose job and face lift. Everyone is beautiful. Wow, today was absolutely GORGEOUS!!!!!! The sun was shining so brightly, the birds were chirping (to the point of irritation, actually...) and the temperature was around 21°C or so. It felt like summer and not fall. I think that Mother Nature heard all my complaints about my strong dislike for cold weather. Yeah, I'm Canadian...so what? That doesn't mean that I welcome a blizzard!!!! I mean, who would? If there's anyone reading this who WOULD, e-mail me and we can schedule a time for you to come and shovel my driveway when wintertime comes along. *Smile* So, it's going to be Danny's 20th birthday on the 23rd of this month. I asked him how he feels about being at the very end of his teenage years. He told me that it's nothing really...just another year. Wow...that's very different from my own opinion. In a way, I wish that I could remain a teenager forever (immature or otherwise). Once I hit 20, I think that I'm going to realize that I'm now a fully-fledged adult. I mean, technically I already am now at 19 years old, but 20 seems so much more official. I don't know if that makes any sense to you. Ohhhh....where did my youth go? When did all this grey hair sprout up? Where did all these wrinkles, age spots and sagging breasts appear? Haha....just kidding...*wink*....I am just exaggerating, as if you couldn't tell...haha Right now I'm listening to this song by Olive called "I'm Not In Love". I like the unique sound to it and it's making me think about my boyfriend. I'm still not sure if he loves me (as in...with all his heart). I don't know if I love him either. I get this feeling that he's not as sentimental as I am. There was a time (like...in the beginning) where we would say cute things to each other and be like, "Awww!"...but now, whenever I say something sweet, I get no reaction. He just continues and goes on talking about whatever he was talking about. *sigh* I think that we've lost that emotional/sentimental connection which I require. It's interesting, but when I was shopping for his birthday present on Thursday, I came across this really nice card. I was almost going to get it, but 2 times, the card said "I love you" and for that very reason, I didn't get it. I didn't know how he would take it. Also, the first time those 3 words appear, I don't want it to be on a card. I want it to be verbal and in person. I don't know....I've been thinking the depressing thought that it's never gonna happen. I honestly don't think that he really loves me. Yes, he cares...I know that. I'm not oblivious to his gestures, however love is something deeper and I think that I would know if he really loved me. Since I'm questioning it and am still having serious doubts, the answer to 'Does he love me?' is most likely no. This brings me to another concern of mine: Should I still be with a boyfriend who doesn't love me? Do I wait to find out...or will I just end up waiting only to hear that he doesn't love me? I'm so confused. I've never been the type of girl who pressures the guy to say "I love you"...and I certainly hope that I'm not pressuring him now. The last thing I want is forced statement. I want it to be genuine and meaningful. Anything else is just a waste of time and breath. I think the reason why this is becoming such an issue is because I still feel far away from him (mentally, not physically) and I'm at this point in my life where I need the reassurance. Right now I feel like I'm acting all self-absorbed or however else you want to call it, but this means a lot to me. It tells me a lot. I'm embarking on a serious decision really soon and if I don't get some sort of confirmation, I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out. I've brought it up to him a few times, but it ends up feeling awkward and then we do the ring-around-the-roses on the issue. He thinks that the girl should be the one to 'nurture' it out of the guy. I, on the other hand would rather want to hear it first from the guy. Well....it looks like I won't be hearing it for a long loooooong time (if at all)....*sigh*..... Okay, I need to bring a smile back to your face. I don't want this entry to be dark and gloomy. Just wait here. I need to go upstairs and put on my red clown nose and my multicoloured afro wig...*grin* Just kidding...I don't own any such items, but that was a nice try. When I went shopping on Thursday, a funny thing happened. Vera and I were in Shopper's Drugmart and we were just looking at some of the cards they had there. I opened one and was startled to hear the voice of someone laughing....LOUD! It was one of those musical cards, except this one didn't have music, just an annoying and terribly loud and frightening laughter. I felt kinda foolish that a measly CARD startled me (how pathetic!). Anyway, so we opened up some of the other cards and there was one that I especially liked. You know when you see a hot girl or guy and you whistle at the person in approval? Well...when I opened up this card, it made that sound...and it was really loud too! I decided to have some fun. I walked around Shopper's Drugmart and came across this couple who were picking up their medicine or something. I walked by normally, not making eye contact with them, and as I did this, I opened up the card. They heard the whistle and it was funny because Vera told me later that the girl who was with the guy, turned around to look to see who had whistled at her guy!!! Haha....I'm soooo mischievous, but hey...it was just too tempting to resist!!! Then, I went around the whole store and did that to one more guy. It's hilarious to see their reaction to the whistle. It really is! I recommend you try it sometime! Well...after school on Monday (11:30 AM), I'm going to be stopping by my old highschool to pick up my yearbook from last year. Yeah...my school is weird. They give last year's yearbooks at the beginning of the NEXT year. How smart is that???? Anyway...I'm not one of those people with crazy obsessions for yearbooks. They're nice, but I don't go around clawing people to sign it. I just give it to my close friends and they manage to fill it up just nicely. I prefer to have comments by people who know me well rather than a bunch of comments like "Nice knowing you" from acquaintances or the unknown. I'm into personal stuff. Anyway...I'm not going to get this yearbook signed for the obvious reasons: 1) Not all my friends go to the same university that I do and 2) I'm too lazy to track everyone down (hehe...) Guess who called me on Friday??? Chris. You're probably asking, "WHO???"...hehe....Chris...a former co-worker. I was very surprised, actually. We only talked for about half an hour because he had to go to work. It was really nice to hear his voice again and to see what was up with him. I called him this morning and we talked for a good amount of time. He's really interesting, witty and generally a fun guy. I remember that we used to joke around so much at work and he really made the time fly right by. He made work feel like it wasn't work. We're probably going to go shopping or something sometime. It's funny, because when we went to schedule a day to go, I was only able to offer sometime in November (yes NOVEMBER!!! That's TERRIBLE, isn't it?). You see, I have a lot of university work and tests coming up and obviously that has to take priority. Anyway...it will be interesting to see him again (outside the work setting). Just a couple of days ago, my friends from highschool (who now go to different universities/colleges than me) e-mailed me and it was really nice to hear from them again! It sure brightened up my day and reminded me of our "good old days" (I talk like an old woman...Maybe I AM one...hehe...yeah...aren't I a real dish for my age? HAHAHAHA....okay, I'm officially declared insane)..... Hmmm....what else can I ramble about and bore you stiff with? Haha...well...I can tell you what I bought for myself a few days ago. I got this really nice black wool jacket from Urban Behaviour. It is SOOOO perfect. Normally when I shop for that type of jacket, the sleeves are too long, the length of the jacket is too long and the shoulders look like I'm suiting up and getting ready to go onto the football field. This is the type of jacket that has a nice sophisticated collar and the body of the jacket has figure-accentuating curves. It goes to my thigh, approximately and I love the look of it. It's so uptown or something. I've always wanted a jacket like this. It's not a winter jacket...more like an inbetweenie one that takes you through the transition from fall to winter and winter to spring. I didn't have one before that fit well and looked sharp. OoooooOOOOo...I'm sooooo happy! It was on sale. Normally it was $70, but I got it for $50. Okay, now I must make a confession....I promised myself before that I wouldn't splurge on panties for a long time. I didn't actually write that promise in my diary, more like I just noted it in the back of my mind. Well...guess what? I ended up buying yet another one...*sigh*....I can explain! Haha....It's really nice and was realllllly worth it. It's that nice microfibre material that feels wonderful on your skin. It's one of those string bikini styles that has skimpy sides (which are sooooooo comfy!). The trim is black elastic and the main fabric is this wild leopard print. *MEOW* When I saw it, I knew that I'd have to break my promise. This was the panty I was looking for. I am really into those funky animal prints...especially leopard. I have the dalmation thing already...so next I guess is zebra print. I have to keep my eyes open for that. Okay, I was doing a little academic reading for my social science class. There was an excerpt by J.K. Campbell, should your curiosity get the better of you (like it does to me). He wrote the book "Honour, Family, and Patronage: A Study of Institutions and Moral Values in a Greek Mountain Community" in 1964. There was a wacky paragraph that I read that totally blew my mind. It was insane, really. Read this excerpt: " The division of labour is unambiguos but not rigid. Some tasks which are normally performed by one sex are carried out by persons of the other sex in an emergency. This does not provoke criticism except where the reversal of roles becomes an established feature of a family's working arrangements. A family which day after day sends a twelve-year-old daughter to herd goats will certainly lose prestige. There are, however, a number of tasks which are never attempted by the other sex. For example, women never milk sheep or use a shepard's crook; men almost never milk goats. Although men will lift heavy objects to secure them to a mule, they never carry burdens on their backs. However sick or feeble his wife of daughter a man will never help her with the intolerable burden of heavy water barrels. These tasks have become diacritical symbols of the two sexes; and to ignore them is to deny that one possesses the essential qualities of one's sex, manliness and shame." Now that you read that excerpt, don't you think that's the stupidest thing you've ever read? I think so. I'm just really glad that these people progressed since then. I can't imagine how people could ever be so uncaring. Listen to this paragraph: " It is believed that there are not enough resources and wealth to satisfy the needs of everybody, and that therefore the success and prosperity of other families is necessarily a threat to the very existence of one's own. It follows that a man must rejoice when another suffers misfortune and 'falls in the mud' " Now, how SELFISH is that?????? Gosh, I would NOT be able to live in those times. How repulsive! Well, well, well....I better end this diary entry now. I still have some more reading to do for my Social Science class and I need to get it done for tonight. So......nighty night! Don't let the bed bugs bite (or anyone else...hehe).....Take care and always remember to SPREAD THE SUNSHINE!!!!!!!! ~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-. TRIVIAL TIDBITS ABOUT ME: RIGHT NOW ~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-. EYES: Au naturel.... NAILS: Once again, my nails are deprived of nailpolish LIPS: Just slicked with some lip gloss... HAIR: I blowdried it straight and I'm wearing it down THINKING ABOUT: Relationships..... WISHING: I wasn't such a nutcase...haha...... SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: " God Bless America " (no particular singer...just in general) SONG I'M LISTENING TO NOW: " Just Around The Hill " - sung by Sash LAST SPOKE TO: My Mom NOTE TO SELF: Be a "good" girl....*wink* 
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Saturday October 13th, 2001. - 9:29 PM