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Thy Kingdom Come .............. << previous // next >>
In the philosophical heart of this woman lies a smorgasbord of interrupted thoughts that cause dizziness, milk to flow through nostrils while laughing, and eyes to roll out of their sockets and onto the floor (much like the meatball from the childhood favourite song, "On Top of Old Smokey"). Kick ass, take names, and wear fierce black liquid eyeliner! While my eyes pierce you, my mind can gut you like a fish. Oh...and after eating a spicy dish, my breath can knock you dead in 3 seconds flat, so beware! I am a grenade...a firecracker...and...if I drink lots of carbonated beverages, watch out for my flatulence that will shock the Richter Scale from here to eternity. I exaggerate? Never! Well, sometimes....Okay, I'm not Super Woman, I'll admit it. Fine...I don't have x-ray vision, but that still doesn't excuse your ridiculous teddy bear thong, mister! People who know me very well think that I'm a complicated person. I'd like to think of myself as a jig-saw puzzle and while all the pieces have different images, they are all shaped the same, making it harder to fit together. My imagination goes off on tangents, cosines, and sines. Try to figure me out completely and you'll only become frustrated. I'm not Marybot 2024. Of course, sometimes I'm as deep as onion skin, saying silly and stupid things for kicks (and then dodging them). My life is a kaleidoscope, where the images formed aren't necessarily beautiful and inspiring. Occasionally they are gross and more often than not, they are whatever you want to see. Whack my pinata and you might just get walloped back! Other times, I'm like a mussel who clams up and a fish who has aquaphobia. I'm also not the most practical person that you'll ever meet. My mind is more often in the clouds than it is in my skull. I can help it, but the truth is, I don't want to stop dreaming. Maybe I don't want to be practical because it would bring me closer to being like my mother. She's neat, tidy, and practical...everything that many people aspire towards, however, I see her self-restraint from being happy and I don't want to be like that. It's okay to go out after work and get home late. It's okay to indulge in that extra chocolate bar. Do you love that skirt, but it's $10 more than you thought it would cost? Who cares! If you will be happy, splurge....That extra $10 is money well spent. I used to be super thrifty like my mom. If I wanted to buy something, but it wasn't on sale, I'd just walk away. Sure, I saved money, but it left me feeling frustrated. I've since learned that spending that extra little bit of money on something you REALLY want (not just like) is worth it. Yes, watching the sun rise and set can fill you with a greater sense of happiness, but if you do that instead of look for an outfit to wear at your cousin's wedding next month, good luck! Material things CAN and DO make us happy, BUT (and here is the BIG, HUGE, CHUBBY BUTT)...it should not be our ONLY facet to attain happiness. There's nothing wrong with getting pleasure from material objects. Haven't you ever received a Christmas present that made you smile from ear to ear? Everytime you looked at it, you thought warmly about the person who gave it to you? If you have the money to splurge occasionally....do it, but be smart about it. Know the difference between gambling your house, wife, children, and dog away on a stupid poker game and buying that fabulous purple faux-crocodile handbag! One thing that gets me excited (aside from shopping for clothes and eating food) is music! I listen to and love practically every genre. Right now I'm hooked on The Sounds. I have both their "Living in America" and "Dying to Say This to You" albums. There's a raw sound to it that I love. It's the type of music I like to dance around naked to in my bedroom, wildly shaking my hair and strutting my stuff, pretending to be a rock star (and probably looking more like a crazed person). I'm excited because tomorrow, my shipment will probably come in. I've ordered Goldfrapp's albums: "Supernature" and "Black Cherry." A co-worker (Ron) introduced me to the first one and I was hooked on it from the first song to the very last song. In sombre news, my grandmother's situation has worsened. She came out of the hospital to stay at my house for a week, but later had to be hospitalized again. Her ordeal has made me cherish my youth more. She can't walk without help...Going to the washroom is an orchestrated event with collaborative assistance. Eating and swallowing is painful and she's always tired. Diagnosed with having osteoporosis, Parkinson's Disease, and cancer, my grandmother certainly doesn't do things on a small scale. When she was here, she told me that one of her favourite songs from when she was in high school was "The Blue Danube" and "Yesterday When I Was Young"...Seeing that her eyes lit up when she talked about ballroom dancing to the first song, I knew that I would have to get ahold of it and play it for her. Maybe it would make her feel happier, which would improve her physical condition. I got both songs and various versions of each by different singers and bands. I put them all on a single CD and played it for her. She loved it. It was probably the first time I had seen her REALLY smile in a long time. Something inside me is changing towards her. I am feeling a deep well of sadness. Sure, I haven't felt warmth from her, but now it seems almost irrelevant. The fact is that she IS my grandmother. Even if we don't really know each other, we share the same genetics. She holds part of my roots and one day, when she leaves this world for the afterlife, I will have lost a connection to my background. My grandmother had to put up with a lot -- several decades with a verbally and emotionally abusive husband (from an arranged marriage)...It's no wonder that she quickly became depressed and now developed so many physical ailments. She must have been very strong to go through all that, but in the end, it looks like it was one straw too much and the haystack is collapsing. Hmm...how can I make the transition to another topic after talking about such gloomy things? I know...I'll talk about something random....like...my desk at work! I have a stuffed moose, a pink elephant, a clucking white Cadbury bunny, and a clear bottle of Iceberg vodka. Yes, I AM weird. I usually squeeze the bunny to make it cluck everytime I'm bored. It always makes me laugh and then helps me focus on my writing. Yes...you read that right...a clucking bunny helps me work. *Smirk* Another strange thing (I have thousands I could mention)...at the end of the day, my desk is cluttered, not with work, but with food wrappers, plastic bags, and other things. They say that your desk at work reflects the the type of person you are when it comes to organization. I suppose that means that I'm a messy person who strives to be neat. In the morning, my desk is pretty bare...By the afternoon, you'll see less of the table's surface, and by the evening, it's usually cluttered. I always tidy it up before I go home though. It helps me sleep at night, much like a swig of hard liquor...hehe...just kidding about that last part. *Smirk* Wow...there's nothing for the mental sponge to soak up here because my thoughts are running dry. This must be a sign to call it a day. ("It's a day!")...Come back sometime in May for a brand new spanking entry...Hopefully I won't leave it to the last day in the month, like I did this time. Mary Shaw ~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-. SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: "Hope You're Happy Now" by The Sounds LAST FEW SONGS I LISTENED TO: + "Superspy" by Save Ferris + "What About Love" by Heart + "Like A Lady" by The Sounds + "Painted by Numbers" by The Sounds + "Old Nude" by Out Hud + "I Touch Myself" by Jack Off Jill + "Hell Patrol" by Judas Priest + "Living in America" by The Sounds + "Monster Hospital" by Metric + "99 Red Luft Balloons" (Original German version) by Nena + "Gone Going" by The Black Eyed Peas 
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Sunday April 30th, 2006. - 4:17 PM