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It's Friday night. Do you know where YOUR children are? What's more pathetic than scribbling in an online diary on a Friday night? How about twiddling your thumbs clockwise then counter-clockwise while holding your breath and rolling your eyes eighty times per minute? Hehe, well some people might think the latter involves more talent OR boredom. Ah yes, two things that can be both a blessing and a curse. Anyway, this entry was started VERY late on a Friday night and will probably carry on into early Saturday...I feel it in my bones (and I'm skinny, so...that's saying something!). Today I went to a photoshop to get my passport photograph taken. I've never travelled anywhere exotic. The extent of my travelling "adventures" has mainly been within Canada. This country is beautiful and exciting, however, someday when I have the money and the means to travel more outside, I look forward to it. Soon though, I will be checking out Los Angeles (and for the VERY first time...woo hoo!). Some people I know get to visit interesting places all the time, but they long for nothing more than to have a home as a point of stability and to travel much less. It's cliché, but we all want what we don't have...The grass seems greener on the other side. (Something that just poofed into my head right now out of the blue, cyan, and magenta: Ever since I was in gradeschool, I always thought it would be neat to have a forget-me-not lawn. You know how everyone with a lawn tries to get it as close to a vibrant green as possible? Well, wouldn't it be neat to have a BLUE lawn....You'd need to plant tons and tons of forget-me-not flowers, but I think the look would be striking. Of course, the wind tends to blow their seeds all over the place, so maybe a whole FIELD of forget-me-nots would be better....What would be even MORE exciting is a forget-me-not field with hundreds of lilac trees and bushes planted everywhere. Lilacs are my ultimate favourite flower and I'm addicted to their heavenly fragrance.) If lilacs were cocaine, I'd be a crackhead. SooOOoooO...going back to the passport photograph topic --> I had to take off my eyeglasses and wow, my eyesight (although not bad enough to make Larry King -- The Suspender King -- cringe), would generally cause the average person to gasp. I am NOT legally blind, but my prescription is hefty. I always get the thinner option lenses, so it isn't as noticeable. Anyway, so my eyesight is so terrible that when the woman was taking my passport photograph with a digital camera, I had to pretty much "guess" where the focal lens was because it was a complete blur. [Yet another sidenote...Boy, don't you just LOVE stream of consciousness? In passport photos, you're not supposed to smile or frown. You must keep a "neutral expression." That explains why in the before photos of people (prior to their vacation) always look so drained of life. Then, when they get back, co-workers, family members, and friends all tell them how much better they look -- how they have a glowing complexion, looking well-rested and happier. It's no wonder! My same rant also applies to before-and-after makeover photos. The women in the before pictures are usually always not smiling and some look darn angry or souless. In the after pictures, they're told to smile. In general, anyone looks better when smiling. This is my philosophy....Sometimes when I look at the fake smiles on the after-photo women, I feel saddened. It's like...they're obviously happy because they think that they look better than before, but how long will that happiness last, especially when some makeovers are just a one-time deal (i.e. one day makeover)? What will they feel like the next day when they don't have the glam squad to make them look as fake as a Yes Man? Anyone can look drop-dead gorgeous with the help of professional make-up artists, hairstylists, world-renowned photographers, personal fashion stylists, and a state-of-the-art graphic editing program. I sometimes think that women who get "temporary" makeovers will have higher chances of becoming depressed. It's hard to explain. It's like if you have looked like a Plain Jane your whole life and then a television makeover show (such as "Makeover Ambush") gives you a new look that only lasts one day, but makes you look like a hot tamale, afterwards when you're not wearing pounds of make-up (that could seal the sidewalk cracks from your house to the bustop), going back to being a Plain Jane, wouldn't that make a person feel depressed? It's also a point of annoyance that most makeovers tend to be done on females. Even though I'll admit that I'm addicted to seeing makeovers being done, I do feel that the message they send is negative --> You're not pretty enough, but if you buy all the shitload of these expensive products, you can be. Of course, you'll only be feeling pretty because you're hiding behind a cosmetic mask.] Capture my insecurity on Kodak film (YAY, what fun!) Sheesh...I get side-tracked quite a bit. Imagine if this diary entry was somehow transposed onscreen....The visual texture might cause such nauseousness as The Blair Witch Project. (Tip-toeing away yet again: Speaking of that movie, I remember I saw it in the theatre and thought it was a complete waste of money and time. My home videos are more exciting and not vomit-inducing, although the one of me when I was 9-years-old, singing Christmas carols out of tune comes pretty darn close. *smirk* Thinking back, I didn't get nauseous when I watched The Blair Witch Project. I almost fell asleep during it and I remember when it ended, I said, "That's it?") Round and round we go. Where we stop, nobody knows! Once again, I rewind back to my passport photo. I had to wait about five minutes for it and the woman showed me the two copies. A male employee saw the photographs too and he said something like, "You take a really good photo. Usually passport photos aren't that good." Automatically (i.e. without thinking --> Yes, I can bet you all are gasping at the thought of me not thinking for a second...*smirk*) I said, "I look dead though!" I think that I look weird without my eyeglasses. Eyeglasses help emphasize the focus on my eyes, but without them, it's just....different. Anyway, so the man made some joke about if I was dead, I wouldn't be able to sit up straight. His joke was something like that...I'm not really sure. That part is a bit of a blur, however, he told me that I'm very photogenic. Looking back now, it's interesting that my immediate reaction was to reject compliments. That is a bad habit of mine although I do try to change my way of thinking (occasional putting-down-of-self thingy) by mentally reassuring myself that I am A-Okay. I need to learn to accept positive comments instead of allowing them to bounce off my imaginary force field. I'm a work in progress....Perhaps I need to tie one of those "Under Construction" signs around my neck? Yes, according to the trendscoper in Elle Canada magazine, that look will be a hot one in September 2005....*smirk* The next trend that I'm going to set is dark undereye circles. Yup, all students pulling all-nighters will be in fashion...*rolls eyes* Right now I should be reading a few chapters from my textbook for my summer school course because my next writing assignment will be distributed on the coming Thursday and it will be based, in part, on the reading material. It will be worth 30% towards my final course mark. The other paper that I wrote a week or so ago on the films Norma Rae and Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore, in addition to the influence of 1970s events will be graded and handed back either this coming Wednesday or Thursday. As you can see with your two eyes (or three, if you've got the third eye of wisdom), I'm not reading my textbook right now. As you all know, I am a guilty procrastinator since I always put off course readings and the writing of essays and reports until the very last minute, always feeling as though I SHOULD prepare earlier. I always have to whip myself to get cracking like an egg to BEGIN the work. It's not an easy process to START the grinding mill, but it always happens and my work always gets done on time. Nevertheless, I have always gotten excellent grades on my last-minute papers and they ALWAYS slid by the anally-retentive radars of strict professors who claim that they can ALWAYS tell the difference between a paper written early or a last minute one. They often claim that the good paper is written earlier and the bad paper, written last minute. Hehe, I always get a kick when I hear professors regurgitate that traditional speech, since it does not seem to apply to me. Maybe I do work better under pressure. I must've been a gas tank in my former life....*smirk*... Another interesting "quirk" of mine is that I tweak my written work a LOT because I am never satisfied. I am known to make DOZENS of revisions and I have been known to totally scrap an essay half-way through and completely change its thesis, working from the drawing board again. They say that you're your own worst critic and for me that definitely rings true and strikes a chord (C major, to be exact...hehe). Speaking about chords and music, I used to play the piano up until high school. I even went to take The Royal Conservatory of Music examinations. I was mainly a play-for-my-own-enjoyment pianist, however, formally, I took the exams until piano grade four. Each of these exams required memorizing three songs (one from each section: A, B, and C) from the special Conservatory music book. Also, I remember there was a theory book with different major and minor scales. I had to memorize all of them, knowing which one contained an E flat, a C sharp, or a B flat, etc., in addition to knowing how to play them on command. I also recall that there was a section during the examination that involved the Conservatory examiner clapping a rhythm without you looking. It was the Listening Test and after hearing the somewhat long rhythm, you had to clap back what you heard. It sounds simple enough, but sometimes it can be pretty tricky to remember because the person isn't clapping a well-known song. It's an original. The next part of the test was sight reading, which is when you're given a song that you've probably never seen before and you are given about a minute to look it over and then you must play the entire song. Another section of the test involved the examiner playing a chord on the piano while your back was facing the keys and then you had to try to play the same chord back. I'm so glad that I don't have to go through all that anymore. It puts so much stress into something that should be fun and enjoyable. *Yawn* That last paragraph makes even Jane Austen's Emma look interesting...*gasp*...What can I tell you about that will put you on the edge of your seat? Hmm...did I tell you that I entered the convent? Nahhh. I haven't had that calling ever in my life, to the disappointment of my parents (and only my parents) perhaps. *Yawn* Hmm...well since I can't think of anything even remotely scandalous, I'm going to end this entry here. *Sigh* Am I losing my touch? Gosh, I hope not. I'll just have to make up for it with a crazy long and interesting entry next time....either that or just crazy (since those kinds are way more fun to write! Hehe...like...here's some fruit to go with your loops)...*rolls eyes at lame excuse for a joke*...Hehe...I'm weird, aren't I? *imaginary people nod heads in unison to Mary's kooky contentment*...hehehe...*winks* Mary Shaw ~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-. SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: "Vampires" by Fastball LAST FEW SONGS I LISTENED TO: + "Vampires" by Fastball + "What A Wonderful World" by Michael Bublé + "Holding Off" by Megan Slankard + "Beautiful" by Mandalay + "Happy Together" by J. Gaines & The Soul Attorneys + "When You Tell Me That You Love Me" by American Idol 4 Finalists + "Crazy" by Aerosmith + "Time to Say Goodbye" by Andrea Bocelli & Sarah Brightman + "Strawberry Wine" by Deana Carter + "I Could Not Ask For More" by Edwin McCain 
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Saturday May 21st, 2005. - 1:20 AM