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Well hey there! Where do you think you're tip-toeing off to? Come right over here and stay a while. I'm really not that scary - except in the mornings perhaps. It has been quite some time since I've scribbled my thoughts down in here. A whole lot has happened over the last little while. Even if I tried to rehash all the wonderful events, I probably couldn't, so I won't frustrate myself, and instead I'll just let the thoughts flow out to my fingertips and onto the keyboard, and thus into your head. Will that satisfy you? It better, because that's all I can offer at this time. Let's start off with monotonous small talk, shall we? The weather is always a candidate for that category, don't you think? Well, over here the weather has become less humid (to my dismay), but I'm still loving the hot weather that we're having now. It's a bit more comfortable and I hear less complaints from others regarding sticky weather (which is good for my ears.) Over the last couple of days we've been having hot weather with thunder and rain. I never used to like rain on summer evenings. I was predisposed to warm sunshiny days, but whether I've been abducted by weirdos or not, I'm beginning to think that rain on summer evenings is such a romantic setting. Don't ask why. I'm having trouble explaining that one to myself. Maybe it's because of the sound of the raindrops hitting the pavement or maybe it's because there's something so humbling about thunder. It makes everything seem small and quiet in comparison. When it's over, the sun comes back out and everything is happy again. Actually, the sound of thunder makes me sleep soundly for whatever the reason. Yeah, I haven't figure that one out either, but whenever it thunders I feel calm and relaxed. It's soothing to me, which I guess you'll find strange since there are people who fear thunder. I haven't been struck by lightning, and maybe it will take that to change my mind about thunder being soothing. Yikes, but I do hope that won't happen. I'm not very fond of fried things, especially a fried me!!! A few days ago my parents celebrated their 33rd anniversary! Isn't it just so incredible to think that they've stayed together for such a long time? I'm so happy for them. Of course not everything has been a smooth ride, but at least they're together and making the best of things to come. I hope one day to find someone who will stick by me for just as long. That's utterly romantic and maybe even a wee bit idealistic. Still, I do think that 33 years of being together is a great accomplishment and something to be proud of. I read in my 2002 sociology textbook that 40% of Canadian marriages end in divorce. Talk about disappointment, but also strength and courage! Anyway, I'm very happy for my parents. They are, afterall, two of my foremost role models in life. I hope to emulate their love and steadfastness. On the anniversary, my dad bought a mix-and-match-your-own bouquet composed of sunflowers, carnations, and these flowers I don't know the name of, but they look like small pink/white tiger lilies. It was a very different flower grouping, but as you all know, sometimes different is good, and in this case it was GREAT! *Smile* Sure, roses are lovely and stunning to the senses, but straying from the familiar offers new interest (at least this is my opinion.) My dad also got her a lovely card and the words were perfect! It sounded exactly like something that he would have written himself. My mom didn't get my dad anything for the anniversary, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't love him any less. In retrospect, my dad has always been the one to get my mom stuff for their anniversary. It doesn't seem to bother either one of them that my mom doesn't buy anything for him. I think that this is good and healthy. Besides, my mom does most of the cooking for the family, so that, in my eyes, is a very worthy contribution. Also, it's not always the beautiful gifts one can buy for another person. Sometimes just being together is a gift, and at 33 years of being together, I say that even Santa himself could not top that one. Anyway, like my ex-boyfriend and I used to say to each other: It's not the anniversary that counts. It's all the days inbetween. I still believe in that strongly. Romance doesn't need chocolates, cards, or flowers to bloom. The people help romance to grow. Don't get me wrong though. Getting presents is not only exciting and a beautiful act of generosity, but I'm just saying that it's unhealthy if they become the focus rather than the people themselves in the relationship. Anyway, that's just what I think and just incase you were wondering, yes, I am the type of person that doesn't expect big gifts. I am just as happy getting a greeting card or heck, even an electronic card. The little things mean a lot to me because they all add up in the end. To me, it's just being remembered and loved and cared for that gets to my heart. Then again, the best way to get to my heart is through that beautiful smile of yours, and boy does it spread the sunshine! *Wink* You know what? I've been thinking. *A sign flashes and it reads: Applaud Now!* Haha...no, but really, I've been thinking about how blessed I am. I am surrounded by open-minded friends who care about me and support me. Though we have our struggles (who doesn't?), we get through it together and are there for each other. My "group", if I can even call it that, is so laid back and the cool thing is that we're all so very different from one another. Differences bring a new quality to a group. Minds are broadened. Hearts are opened. Friendship is shared. (Hehe..like my short sentences by the way? It sounds like something in a first grader book or something: "See Spot. See Spot run. Run Spot, run!" Haha...really though, I was just trying to emphasize my point.) It really is a blessing to be able to act like yourself and be accepted and loved. With all the differences between my friends, somehow it all meshes together nicely, like a fruit salad on a summer day. Oh...hey! I just remembered something!!!! *A delightful twinkle can be seen in Mary's eyes* This entry that you are reading right now is my 100th online diary entry!!!! Can you believe it? Who would have thought that I would have so many boring things to say? Hahaha...*Smirk* How did I know this? No, I didn't count all my entries and cry Eureka like you all thought. *Smirk* When I log into my diary account, the smart ole computer tells me how many entries I've made to date. When I saw 99 (and then this one being 100) I was simply floored! Anyway, it's all been an enjoyable experience, just like going to the psychologist and being told that I suffer from unrealistic optimism. *Smirk* Haha....kidding. Boy, I'd better stop smirking so much or else you will all think that I've been knocked off my rocker. I am completely sane! *Mary gets another twinkle in her eye* Hey, have any of you been following that awesome show, The Mole 2: The Next Betrayal? If you're curious, head on over to the official website: http://abc.abcnews.go.com/primetime/themole/mole_home.html to learn more about it. I have been following the show for quite a while now and I love it to death. It's such a great show that challenges the intellect and perception. Now it's Dorothy, Heather, and Bill who are left in the game. One of them is the "Mole" - the double agent the show hired to pretend to be just another player. The point of the whole show is to figure out who the "Mole" is. Of course, this show wouldn't be a hit show if cash wasn't involved (sadly). I can't remember exactly, but I think about just over $536,000 is in the pot. Oh, and before I forget to mention, I miss Bribs, one of the players of the game who was executed from the show 2 shows ago. He was a smart guy, and wow, if looks could kill, I've died, been reborn, and died again. He's 23 years old and he's a ski instructor. Hehe...although I've been skiing before (and am just mediocre at it) I would definitely take skiing lessons from this hottie. *Grin* I doubt that I'd be able to concentrate on the lesson though. *Wink* I'd actually be surprised if anyone could! Hey, if you go to the Mole 2 website, you'll have an opportunity to drool over Bribs! *Smirk* Well, a handful of people have e-mailed me, asking how I'm doing with my ex-boyfriend. I'll tell you. I'm doing great, feeling good, smiling brightly. He's doing well, however, over the handful of times that we talked and spent time together since the break-up, it appears to me that he kinda wants me back as his girlfriend. Then again, it also sometimes seems like he's sitting on a fence, on the borderline and thinking: Should I? Could I? Would I? He's having trouble getting over the break-up and I think this is ironic since he was the one who dumped me, and I have gotten over it after a few days. I guess all my self-help psychology did wonders on me. Haha...see? Having some knowledge and being able to apply it to daily life really helps! I've been trying to help Danny get over me, but it's actually a lot more complicated than it appears. In any case, the break up doesn't prevent us from being friends. Enough said. I hate dragging out old news, as this is. Thanks to all of you who have written to me and asked how I was. You're all beautiful empathetic souls. Hugs go out to all of you! I am doing really well though, so please don't think that I require pittying or sympathy. I prefer encouragement and support. Remember, spread the sunshine, not the storm clouds!!! I am definitely stronger than before and smarter too I'd like to think. I learn from mistakes. I grow as a person inside and outside. I love myself too much to lose hope in myself. Okay, I think that I'll be ending this entry. I may or may not write again before I head off for my August vacation to the Maritimes. We'll see how things go. My prediction is that this will be the last one before I go for vacation. Don't worry though, your insomnia will be cured yet again once I get back from my vacation. I'll probably have lots of things to tell you when I return. I won't be able to resist writting in here. So, until then, enjoy your summer and make the most of it. Take care and always remember to spread the sunshine because your rays of light could brighten up someone's storm clouds. ~*~ MARY SHAW ~*~ ~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-. TRIVIAL TIDBITS ABOUT ME: RIGHT NOW ~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-. EYES: I'm not wearing my usual eye make-up (black eyeliner and mascara) I'm trying to get away with "natural beauty"...haha... NAILS: I am still not wearing any nailpolish on my nails. I'm definitely going to paint them tonight now that I have some spare time on my hands. LIPS: Coated a dozen times with clear lip gloss, as always HAIR: I let it air-dry and now it's tied up in a messy little ponytail THINKING ABOUT: bleaching certain sections of my hair (the hair that frames the face) and then dying it a smurfy blue. Yes, deja vu. I'm still thinking about this ever since my last entry. When I finally suck up my guts, I'm gonna follow through with my plan. WISHING: I could attract more kindred spirits with a good head on their shoulders (haha...or neck, even!) *Mary makes a goofy grin* LAST TV VIEWING: Last night I watched one of my many favourite movies: "The Spitfire Grill" Don't let the name fool you. This movie is emotionally intense. It teaches people to forgive and not to stigmatize people for past faults. It also shows human love at its best. The plot is carried in a slow, but creative way. The message behind the movie is lasting, I assure you. READING: I've been a bookworm this last little while. I am feasting my brain on "Anne of Avonlea" by L.M. Montgomery (the 2nd book in the Anne of Green Gables series), "The Neverending Story" by Michael Ende, "Saint Joan" - a play by George Bernard Shaw, and "His Bright Light: The Story of Nick Traina" by Danielle Steel. SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: "Naked" by Avril Lavigne - yes, I'm still obsessed with Avril. She rocks! SONG I'M LISTENING TO NOW: "My Way Out" by David Usher. How many times do I have to say it? I LOVE THIS GUY!!!!!! *Smile* He's simply gorgeous with respect to his music, his voice, his personality. There's something deep about this guy and he's got me intrigued beyond words. LAST WORDS: (This is a section that holds meaning only to myself - it's an inside thing) "Do you think that if the hurting of a wound cuts really deep, do you think that the healing of it hurts just as much?" 
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Wednesday July 24th, 2002. - 8:18 PM