What Are YOU Smirking At? .............. << previous // next >>

Tuesday June 26th, 2001. - 12:54 PM

Well....I'm here and yes, I survived all my exams. I went to school today to see how I did in my Writer's Craft and Physics exams. I'm surprised at my mark. My mid-term mark for Writer's Craft was 92% and on my exam, I got 89%, but we had a whole lot of assignments inbetween there and now, my final mark that I'm leaving with is a nice 96%. I'm so happy! It's kinda funny too, because I really never expected that mark. I figured that my mark would go down after that exam (because I didn't think that I did too well on it). Apparently, Mr. Deane (my teacher) told me that I did a superior job on my exam and that I got the highest mark in the entire class. That made me really happy! It's nice to get surprises like that, isn't it? *Smile* It just blows my mind to think that I was worrying that I didn't do so hot on that exam, and then I found out that I did great. WOW! Talk about contradictions!!! Okay, so now on to my Physics mark. If you're a regular reader of my diary (or my website), you'll know that I'm not hot in Physics at all. I pretty much suck at it no matter how hard I try. Anyway....my mark on my exam was really low (70%). I was getting really terrible marks on my tests, but I tried hard on the independent study unit and the latter tests and now, my final mark that I'm getting is 72%. Oh well....I tried my best and that's what counts. I'm just really glad that it's not in the sixties. I would freak out. God is good to me. *Mary looks up* Thank you!!!!

Anyway...it felt really weird knowing that it would be practically the last time that I would go to that school in my school uniform ever again. I'll have to go there next year to pick up my yearbook, but other than that, I probably won't go back, unless I decide to visit some teachers (very slim chance of that). Anyway...so as of this day, I am now an alumni. Thinking that is strange. Secretly, dear diary, I'm going to miss the uniform. I might say that I hate it because it is so conforming to standards (which I don't like), but now, I realize that it made things easier every morning. Instead of having to pick out an outfit, I just had to put on my uniform, and I think that I'm really going to miss wearing my kilt. I like it a lot. *sniff sniff* Yeah...haha...if any of my friends read this, they'd be like, "WHAT???? MARY???? You like the uniform????" Okay...I only like some aspects of it. I don't like the fact that it cost a lot of money and that everyone looks pretty much the same in it, but I do like not having to bother with putting together outfits. Now, I'll have to go on a shopping slurge and buy new clothes. I have a lot of clothes, actually, but I think that I'm going to need more. Hehe....yes....us girls are all alike......SHOP-A-HOLICS! Haha...just kidding. I'm really not like that. I'm your typical penny-pincher Scrooge....haha....No...kidding. I'm not like that either! I will spend...but in moderation. I don't go crazy. I budget and decide if it's really worth it. It's kinda funny too because I'm very rational (most of the time) when it comes to spending money. I'll literally be debating with myself if I should REALLY get it or not. Even if I REALLY want it, I'll think of a million other reasons why I shouldn't get it. I guess that's the side of me that saves me a lot of money that could be put towards more useful things. I guess I really didn't need that feather pen or that shirt that has a picture of Wonder Woman on it. *Smirk* Oh well.....I'm cool with that. I was dying for it and perhaps it IS best if I save up, afterall, I have 4 long years of university ahead of me. That's where all my money ("mula") will be going. I think of it like a drain. They will be draining my money from my bank account, only to fill up the banks of the university. Okay...so that comment was a little pessimistic...I'm not REALLY sour about it. It was just a whimsy little thought that fluttered through my mind. Hmm....my boyfriend says that I think too much.....It could be true....hahaha! *Smirk*

Hmmm...as much as it makes me feel like a nerd to say it, I'm really really REALLLLLY going to miss Mr. Deane. He was by far one of the best teachers that I've ever had. He was witty, youthful (in mannerisms...in age, he is in his late 50's I think), inspiring, insightful, humourous, smart, etc. He writes wonderfully and his thoughts and ramifications of certain subjects are just astounding! Whenever he says something, it just makes you want to listen and give him your full attention. I really enjoyed the Writer's Craft class. He gets very philosophical and he really motivates and encourages me. Hmm...here I am sitting at a computer at the age of 19, wishing that I could go back to my past. I'm only 19!!!!!!! Shouldn't I be having this fantasy of going back in time, when I'm much older? Good grief! If I'm ALREADY like this, can you imagine what I'll be like when I'm 90 (and if the Lord blesses me to live that long)???? Scary, eh? Yes. I'll not linger on this topic anymore, for fear that I will frighten my poor visitors away. *Smirk* Haha.....then again, this is me....I come with a warning label. It says "Contents may explode if overheated" *Wink* Haha....

So, my boyfriend is writing his exam tonight at 7 PM. Ahh yes....university exams. From what he tells me, they're really difficult. I'm not really getting scared, because he's not taking the same courses that I will be taking. He's taking things like Calculus, Computer Science, Algebra, Economics, etc. and I'll be taking things like Psychology, Sociology, Natural Science, Social Sciences and things like that. Geez....I don't know how Danny does it. If I took those courses that he's taking, I know that I'd definitely fall flat on my face in a pile of doggie doo-doo....*Smirk* He's really smart. I think that if I took those courses, my blood pressure would be raised...haha.....So much stress! Math and I don't get along too well. This is an interesting statement, because way back in elementary school, I was a "math person". My favourite subject was math and I was excellent at it. I always found it a breeze. I really enjoyed reading a lot of books too (so maybe I really wasn't a total "math person"), but I didn't like reading the ones they forced us to read in school. They were usually really boring, or about The Great Depression (which just makes ME get really depressed). Then, magically, in grade 11, I became more of an "Arts person", liking religion, English and Instrumental Music. Now, I cannot imagine how I ever liked math. Okay, so it trains your brain to solve problems and things like that, but I find it too frustrating. I like English because I can express myself better with words rather than diagrams and numbers. My boyfriend isn't a "math person" either, since he does have a creative side to him. I like that little twist. I don't really like people who fulfill stereotypes. That drives me up the wall. Oh...and when I use the stereotypes "math person" and "arts person", I use that not to categorize people, but so that you will understand immediately how I'm trying to describe myself without actually having to go and explain it into further detail. In other words, I'm lazy...*Smirk* Haha......

Geez...I've noticed something strange. In this entry, I've been smirking WAY TOO MUCH! Honestly....I don't have anything up my sleeve!!!! You can even check if you want to! *A person walks up to Mary right now and looks up her sleeve and runs away in horror* Oops...did I forget to shave my armpits? Haha....no, no, no...don't worry....I was just joking. I shaved today. Yes, I know that you really needed to know that....haha....Ewwwie....why the heck am I talking about shaving my armpits? Hmm...you can really tell that I'm on vacation. My brains have left the textbooks in the santuary of a haven also known as mindlessness. *Smirk* Haha....Oh no! I smirked again! What is up with that? Oh well....I guess I just feel like smirking. Maybe it's not such a bad thing....afterall, I'm happy, aren't I? Yes...so there! *Mary sticks out her tongue, childishly...and then.....SMIRKS...haha* You knew that was coming, didn't you? Haha

Guess what, guess what, guess what???? I'm proud to announce that I no longer have to connect to the internet using a dial-up modem (56K). I now have DSL connection! YAYYYYYYYYYY! Yeah, baby!!!!! It's soooooo much better! I swear, it's just soooo nice. I can download songs at like 70 k/s (before it was 6 k/s). I have unlimited time too and before I had a limit of 60 hours per month. It's also nice that when I'm online, it doesn't clog up the telephone line, so I can actually talk at the same time. Hehe...actually, this reminds me of a funny thing that my boyfriend and I did last night (the first day that I got my DSL connection). We were first talking on ICQ and then he called me. Neither one of us got off ICQ even though we were talking on the phone. Anyway, so then occasionally, we'd send each other messages through ICQ. It was funny and I was telling him that our generation is way too technologically advanced. Here we were, talking on the phone AND typing messages to each other on ICQ. We just couldn't get enough of each other, I guess....hehe....((HUGGGGS FOR DANNY!)) Ohhhhhhh.......the freedom with DSL is so nice. Hehe...okay, okay...I'll stop acting like the nerd that I am. *Rolling my eyes* Enough about my internet connection!!!

A while ago (like a week ago), I downloaded this song by Willa Ford. It's called "I Wanna Be Bad". I really like it. It has a really cool ring to the song. My boyfriend heard it, but he was like, "mmm...it's not THAT good."...and I was like, "Yes it is!!!!" Mixed opinions? Yes. Anyway....I really like the chorus of it that goes like this: "I wanna be bad / Make that look so good / I've got things on my mind / Never thought I would / I-I wanna be bad / Make that feel so good / I'm about to break a rule / I-I wanna be bad " This songs reminds me of the media. Why? I think that the media has so much influence over young people (especially girls). I imagine the media singing this song. Their advertisements and the shows you see on television kinda depict the image that being a "good girl" isn't a good thing anymore. Why, it was just on Sunday that I picked up a magazine and one of the headlines on the cover said 'Get rid of your good girl image' or something like that. What the heck is wrong with being a good girl? Is it 'good' to be bad? Media just loves mixing messages and mixing people up. Young girls (especially) are influenced by beauty and fashion magazines and I really thought that it was inappropriate for the editors to let that headline make the cover. That's just wrong. What kind of society are we living in now where being bad is good? It's screwed up, if you ask me. Anyway....I like that Willa Ford song, even though she's not singing about the media (that was just my interpretation). She's really singing about getting horny and naughty with a guy and being totally immoral. Hmm...some people say that you shouldn't relate a song with the singer because like an actor, the lines from the script doesn't reflect the actor. Well...I kinda disagree with that statement a little. If a singer sings a song about being cheap or slutty or whatever, doesn't that say something? The singer is trying to convey a message. It doesn't matter if the song is make-believe or if it reflects their real life....the message is still out there and impressionable ears are hearing the lyrics and memorizing the lines (just as I have). What you say CAN be a form of pollution. Anyway...I'm not a fan of Willa Ford (the person). I just like her song and I'm interpreting it different than what it is SUPPOSED to be interpreted as. It's just another perspective. As for Willa Ford, I was searching the internet to see what I could find on her, and to my surprise, I saw a lot of Anti-Willa Ford sites. She's a really new artist, and so, I was expecting to see a lot more fan sites. It turned out that about half of the sites that the search engine came up with, were Anti-Willa Ford sites. I have no idea what to think. It might just be propaganda of people who just don't like Willa Ford and will promote lies just to shun her. There might also be some truth to them. Still, I don't agree with those kind of hate sites. There are soooooooooo many other wonderful and positive things you could post on the internet. Why make a site that will create hate and anger? I prefer to make a site that promotes happiness and feeling good about yourself and about life. Maybe you're thinking that I'm a little goody-two-shoes, but that's okay. You have your opinion. I have mine. You can think anything you want of me, but I'm going to keep on doing my thing because I want to, I like to and I feel that it's right. You can't stop anyone from doing something that they really love to do. Maybe you can, temporarily, but you'll find that somehow or other, they will always always ALWAYS return to the thing that they love. This is true with relationships too. You will always return if you truly love someone. You may get spiteful and turn away for a short period of time, but you could never go. Why do you think that so often people say things like, "Oh...I could never stay angry with you for long."? It's because nothing could extinguish their love for one another because it was so strong. There's a saying that you will know it's true love if you throw it away and it comes back to you. When I first heard that, it rang so true to me. Think about it a little when you get a chance. It makes you feel really blessed to find people who truly care about you like that, doesn't it? *Smile* Hehe....are you getting warm fuzzies inside now? haha....okay....I'll stop being corny...hehe....warm fuzzies....haha

Well...did I tell you about the weather today? It is absolutely gorgeous and sunny out. It's around 30°C or so. This is really nice for this time of year in Canada. When the weather is so warm and sunny, I feel like smiling. Good weather really does bring out the best in people! I notice that. Have you noticed that when there's a snowstorm, people are grumpy and irritable? When it's comfortably hot and sunny, people are smiling and humming songs to themselves. I hope that Mother Nature keeps up the fabulous job! We're counting on her to make our summer wonderful.

Today, I decided to browse through some of the fellow Diarylanders and I came across this one girl's entry. I thought that what she said rang really true and I like the way she worded it. Here is a quote from her diary: "I hate it when people try so hard to be 'cool'. It pisses me off. I mean, everyone likes to be liked, but some people go way overboard. I hate it when people suck up to the 'popular' kids and pretend to like something just to fit in. It's stupid. No one's ever going to really like them, because they're always pretending to be something they're not. What's the point? Because then not only are you never really going to be 'popular', but you also don't have any real friends who know the real you. And heck, maybe there isn't even a real you anymore. How can there be? If you pretend, even to yourself, that you really do like the new 'N Sync song or those 'fashionable' shoes or the most 'popular' girl in the school… then who are you? Because if you lie to yourself constantly, and to everyone else, who's going to know who you are? No one else is. And you're not going to know either." Wow...isn't that SOOO true. Think about that little statement for a while. I did. I agree with her. Stand up for yourself and be yourself because there is no one else quite like you.

Okay, I really should be ending this diary entry. It's getting a tad bit longer than what I wanted it to be. I don't know what it is, but today, my fingers just touched the keyboard and all you could hear was clickety-click-click-klack-clickie. I didn't have to think much this time. My fingers just ran all over the keyboard. I must say that this was one of my more enjoyable entries. There are some entries that I remember that I literally sat there for 10 minutes just re-wording a paragraph because it sounded corny. I'm like that...forever editing. Oh well....anyway.....I'm going to bring this 'gospel' to an end. Take care. Look both ways before crossing the street. Wear comfortable undies. Most importantly, however, if you remember only one thing from this entry, let it be this: Always SPREAD THE SUNSHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Buh bye for now. I'll write again sometime (you can bank on it). I hope that you all have a great summer. Spend your free time wisely.

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ME: RIGHT NOW

---> Trivial little tidbits which you didn't need to know, but I'm telling you anyway *smirk*

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EYES: Bonne Bell "Black Shimmer" eyeliner, black mascara on top and bottom eyelashes, white eyeshadow on browbone

NAILS: Sparkly mauve/pink/purple nailpolish (an edgy colour which I love)

LIPS: I've just got some chapstick on.

HAIR: Curly and down (as usual)

THINKING ABOUT: Spending June 30th with my boyfriend

WISHING: June 30th would come sooner. *Grin*

SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: " I Wanna Be Bad " - sung by Willa Ford

SONG I'M LISTENING TO NOW: " Only God Knows Why " - sung by Kid Rock

NOTE TO SELF - this is a section where I write about something that happened to me, whether funny, insightful or not (everyone else ignore this): I'm just remembering the sweet duet .wav file that Danny and I sung. It was really nice (even though I don't like the way I sing). We sang 'our song'...Destiny by Jim Brickman. *Smile* It reminds me so much of Danny.

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