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Just like The Carpenters sang, breaking up is hard to do. Your heart feels hollow and there's a deep aching that seems to penetrate all the way to your soul. You feel like a zombie, devoid of emotion, when really, your emotions are on over-drive, crashing into the Tree of Life. After dating for 2 years and 1 month, Mike and I broke up in October. I dumped him. Maybe this paints me as the villain, but it had to be done because the relationship wasn't dynamic. I won't start listing all the failings because it is over and it won't do any good for the lactose-intolerant to cry over spilled milk. It's a waste of time. Plus, the relationship had many high points, so focusing on the negatives wouldn't be fair. The relationship that I had with Mike was unlike that of any other boyfriends I had in the past. It felt more real, I felt truly loved, and I kept thinking that he was "The One." However, a healthy relationship requires that both people are roughly on the same page when it comes to their outlook on life. I realized that I wasn't as happy as I wanted to be. I can't and couldn't "be with" someone whose emotional baseline is stuck on depression and pessimism. Sure, life hands us some sour lemons, but if you're an optimist, you can overcome any obstacles. As a pessimist, a hill becomes Mount Everest. (Hmm...I wasn't going to write about the negatives, but I guess I had to get some of it out of my system.) I'm at a stage in my life where I want to see what is out there. I want to have a good time, experiment, see the world, and embrace life to its fullest. I don't want to focus on problems (because we all have them). I want to emphasize the positive at every opportunity. I'm young and if I ever become tired, jaded, and constipated, it can wait until I'm 90-years-old. In the meantime, I will laugh, dance, and be merry/Mary (hehe). The bittersweet break-up was one of the most difficult things that I had to follow through with. I harbor no ill feelings towards him, but to be true to myself and to grow as an individual, I had to move on. I felt trapped before, but afterwards, I felt this amazing sense of freedom and today, my wings will help me soar into the future. Mike and I are planning to be good friends though and who knows? Maybe we'll make better friends. I really hope so. The timing may be extremely good or bad, depending on which side of the relationship fence you're on, but after I dumped Mike, I began dating Matthew. He's a fellow writer at my workplace and we seemed to click from the get-go. We both use and enjoy witty humour and we both have a passion for language, while sharing a generally positive outlook. Matthew has golden, light brown-ish hair. His natural eye colour seems to change, which I think is pretty intriguing. Some days his eyes look green, other days they look brown, and sometimes they look gray. He towers over me, standing at around 6' 3" or so. Even though he and I haven't known each other for too long (i.e. we only started working together fairly recently), I feel this connection as though I knew him for years. I've already met his parents and they are super friendly. They've got these two large dogs. One of them (I think her name is Cammy) is sooooooooo big! I've never seen a dog that large in person before! Normally I get nervous around dogs, but his dogs are really mellow and relaxed. They don't bark like crazy (at least when I was there) and they weren't jumping up on me. Well, we'll see how this relationship progresses. We have a lot of similarities, so that's a great place to start. Hmm...I haven't written a diary entry for a couple of months now. I've been so busy. Yup...having a life can sometimes make you a stuck-up snob...haha... What have I been up to lately? Lots of things have happened at work. The writers moved into a newly renovated room in the office. What else? I got a promotion for my work on the latest affiliate marketing project, which I was and am leading. Woo hoo!!!! On Hallowe'en, the place where I work had a staff Hallowe'en party. Everyone dressed up. I went as a punk school girl. Everything I wore wasn't a costume, but the real deal, but I just put it all together to achieve the right look. I got the mesh top and skirt from this goth-punk store downtown. They had tons of cool stuff. I wore a red tank top under a black mesh shirt. The mesh sleeves were attached to the main part of the shirt with dog leash clips. I wore a pleated red and black skirt, black fishnet stockings, studded belt, black stilettos, red and white striped arm warmers with white skulls, several necklaces, dark eye make-up, and black lipstick. Oh...and lately I've been getting more into knitting. I recently won a boa yarn auction on eBay. I'm currently knitting a scarf with it. The yarn is so beautiful. It has several different deep, rich shades of purple. When knitted, the colors add dimension to the scarf and there's a sheen to it. It can best be described as monster fur, but more sophisticated. Maybe I'll post up some pictures on my website when it's done. Other things I've knitted in the previous months were iPod socks. I made them for 3 co-workers and of course one for myself. After finishing up my scarf, I'm going to work on making a new iPod cover for Matthew. He wants one with a skull on the front. I've never done anything like it, so I'll give it my best shot and see how it turns out. I also want to knit a hat with horns on the top. You have no idea how addictive and therapeutic knitting can be until you try your hand at it. It's so relaxing and rewarding. Along the lines of other creative pursuits and achievements, I completed my first large canvas painting. Using several colours, I added a lot of visual movement in my abstract design. I think it turned out pretty well and even my mom loves it. She wants to hang it in the living room. Later on, I want to buy another large canvas and paint some more. I love how the design just flowed out of me without any prior planning. Again, maybe I'll post some picture on The Mystic Realm so show you guys what it looks like. Last month, I made a huge splurge. In about 15 minutes, I dropped my cash like it was hot on the new Coach Signature Gallery Tote (in the Brass/Brown colour). I bought it in the retail boutique for around $400 (CDN). From eBay, I bought this adorable khaki Coach Mini Skinny. It's a coin purse with 2 bronze-coloured buckles on the left and right sides of it. There's an attached chain with a keyring. So...my Coach collection now comes to a tally of 4 items. Usually I think that Coach purses are ugly, but then they come out with a few gorgeous, standout designs that make me want to spend, spend, spend! I've also been buying lots of those Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister faux-fur lined hoodies. I find that they make excellent jackets during this transitional period when it's too cold to wear a light jacket, but too hot to wear my down winter jacket or my new knee-length Aritzia jacket. Oh...and remember in a previous diary entry, I mentioned how I pre-ordered the new Emm Gryner album and was bummed how I thought I wouldn't be one of the first 500 customers and so I wouldn't get the freebie album and the autograph? Well, it turns out that Emm Gryner decided to personalize and autograph EVERY album that was pre-ordered AND send out the freebie album (which is a re-recording of some older songs)...Weeeeee! I need to save more of my money though. From this point on, I'm going to lower my monthly expenses. I also want to get practical and look into investment plans. Alrighty, it's time for me to end this entry. I'm gonna go grab a snack. Hopefully next month I won't be such a lazy daisy and I'll write a new entry, but we'll see. Mary Shaw ~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-.~.*-. SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: "That Great Love Sound" by The Raveonettes LAST FEW SONGS I LISTENED TO: + "Peace Sells" by Megadeth + "I'm So Sick" by Flyleaf + "She's Always a Woman" by Billy Joel + "Cliffs of Dover" by Eric Johnson + "For Whom the Bell Tolls" by Metallica 
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Sunday November 5th, 2006. - 6:58 PM